Contented Couples | Stories to Help & Inspire Couples

CONTENTED COUPLES

From each couple we hear the story of their first meeting and how they worked together for their relationship to become a secure base. I hope their stories can help and inspire others in the task of building an attachment bond.

Contented Couples:

Magic, logic or luck?

By Anne Power 2022

Description research

Does it make a difference if couples met through random romance, through a marriage organised by the family or by arranging their own relationship? What are ‘successful’ couples doing right? Woven through the book are jargon-free explanations of how couples attach, how they fight and how they repair.

Conclusions and relevance

It seems that ‘magic, logic and luck’ can all play a part, but ‘work’ and ‘learning’ are the factors which come through in all the couples’ stories. As the couples’ own words are reproduced in the book, the reader has a chance to form their own view alongside the findings which I highlight.

Interview questions

I asked these couples similar questions to the ones I put to my clients: What does an argument look like? How has sex been across the years? Who has developed the most over their time together?What stopped them from becoming a divorce statistic?

How the research was done

Eighteen couples in contented long-term relationships were recruited from the US and the UK. Almost all the couples interviewed had faced major challenges along the way – but their attachment grew and relationships survived. In the book they tell us why.

Diversity in the couples interviewed

We hear the stories of heterosexual and same sex couples, of older couples together fifty years and younger ones who met online. As well as couples brought together by family arrangement or random romance, we meet those introduced deliberately by friends, or through agencies and the internet. Couples from Hindu, Jewish and Muslim communities, Christian couples and Black and Asian couples.

Relevance to couples and singles

As we eavesdrop on these interviews, we can ponder our own relationship journeys and consider what ‘Good Enough’ looks like, why opposites attract and how individuals with different attachment strategies can get along. In the video below you can hear How Secure Attachment makes us Ready for Relationship. If single people can work towards security, this is their best preparation for finding a partner.